Surprise!

original post date: November 7 2008


okay, so i went to the doctor a couple of days ago and i got some interesting news… they drew my blood… asked a ton of questions… and long story short: i am pregnant. wow. and thats not even the shocker! but ill get to that… so halloween, it was fun… i dressed up as a punky princess.. and a few of my friends came. [just the normal group] ariel was invited but she diddnt come because her ex came to hang out with jack and she said it would have been akward…
[[ha i know what your thinking.. ariel again? yeah.. shes on my mind. i guess i just dont know wtf i want.]]
anyways ariel and i havnt really been talking much… just here and there… myspace, MSN and what not… but today i started talking to her she was on her cell and i was online… anyways its kinda funny but she just out and admitited that she had a crush on me. it came up because i was asking her about why she never came and hung out anymore.. she said it was because she felt wierd hanging out with the “gang” that she used to hang out with with her ex. i was alittle taken aback, so i asked her if that was the only reason she hung out with me… and she said, at first it was, but then she started to get a crush on me… right after that she kept saying “i cant beleive that i said that!” “im so embarrased”
[woah!]
i sent a “lol” and then, decided it was time for me to admit that i had a crush on her too… so i told her. lol i said no worries cause im in the same boat. we went on to talk about how her boyfriend had asked her about threesomes, and who she would want to have one with…. and she could only think of one person… {me} hehehe. she said that she told him that “there are some fantacies that he cant fulful because of his gender” HA! i definetly know how she feels. so that was when she realized her feelings.. i wanted to keep talking on that subject, but it shifted and then we dropped it. i wish i could think of a way to bring it up again… but idk. girls are so much more complicated than guys… at least it seems like that.
~~and as for starburst, well she and i are more friend types.. and honestly i really do value her as a friend. i can probably talk to her about anything, infact she is the only person besides jack and my dad that knows about the pending baby… its hard tho because im worried about if she likes me. then ill have to let her down…. its a situation that i have never been in before.. she guessed that i liked ariel tho… and i denyd it. ~~
i think i figured out why i said i diddnt like ariel anymore, and its because i was so frustrated. frustrated about having feelings that i couldnt act on. so i tried to not feel them anymore, i guess to make it easier on myself.. but i cant lie to myself forever.. so idk.
i am so terrified to tell ariel about the baby. what if i tell her, and shes like disgusted with me or something… im not a slut but i am worried what she will think. i have been with jack for 2 years now… and i will eventually marry him… idk i am just so afraid. and i am feeling a bit trapped in a way. not that im not excited for the baby… its just in my fantacies, there wasnt a screaming infant involved, if you know what i mean.
maybe ill be a cool pregnant girl like juno. either that or ill be infamous from it like britney spears or something.. not to mention the fact that im terrified that i wont find the money to do this. and yes if you havent already guessed im keeping the baby… i dont want an abortion.. [not for me, but i am pro-choice]
okay, so yeah.. thats a little catch up. i pretty much am clueless as to what i am going to do. all i can do is *hope*
hope that ariel dosent hate me.
hope that i figure out the money situation.
hope that everything dosent fall apart…..